Relationships

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

“You talk too much”, says he.

“But you never listen”, says she.

In our society, it has been long accustomed that men and women have problems in understanding one another. This problem is not only limited to our romantic relationships, but it is also evident between our daily interactions with our friends, family, colleagues and even with our bosses. It is not their lack of empathy that prompts the misunderstanding between the two parties, nor the way our personalities “Just don’t click”. Maybe, just maybe, it is in the way that we communicate. May it be from the simple “There will always be something more behind those ‘It’s okay’s and I’m fine’s’” or to the more complicated “I keep on talking and he is not listening.”

Why, then, do we choose to settle with saying “It’s okay” and “I’m fine” when what we really feel is otherwise? Is it because we can’t find the right words to express our feelings and thoughts? Or is it because we are just too lazy and tired to explain ourselves so we decide to brush off the topic instead? Whatever our reason may be for simplifying our feelings into this two-worded sentence, it is just doing us more harm than good. Of course it is alright to say these to a stranger you just met or to a person whom you’re sure won’t play a big part in your life. However, you can’t say this to your romantic partner, your parents, not even to your boss. Indeed, they have the right to hear more than just these two words.

We ourselves are often found more culpable than those we accuse. We are our own great nemesis. We are guilty to the verdict of saying these two words. Are you already wondering why I’m using the pronoun “we”? It is because I am also guilty as charged. I used to say, “I’m fine” when I’m not and “It’s okay” when it’s not. Surely, it had misled the people I talked to into thinking that nothing is really wrong. Nobody was born with the skill in good and proper communication. We all make communication errors and mistakes from time to time. Since communication will always be a two-way process, we must also give the other party the benefit of the doubt because we are only in control of our own feelings, and not theirs. If they say that they’re okay, stop nagging for something more. Who knows? They really feel okay. What’s important is that we become aware of the communication mistakes we commit and apply the right communication techniques in order to deliver our thoughts to the receiver properly.

About the Contributor

DJ Yao is an altruistic enthusiast for all things new. She has a knack for active sports and she is always up for a great adventure. On a daily basis, DJ finds it both a physical and mental torture to stay at home, lay in bed and do nothing but watch TV shows and order delivery pizzas. She aspires to manage her own business someday and make the world a better place to live in.

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Artwork by Pearl Choco, Brew Your Best Year Contributing Artist. For more of her works, visit her Instagram.

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