Hi, I’m Nicah, 24, and here’s my hero story.
I believe in the idea about something they say “we meet everyone for a reason” and in my case, I believe I met my hero for more than just once and I am so grateful I have this person in my life.
I met Ray in a very crucial yet exciting moment of my life. I was suffering from a serious psychological anxiety and parts of it are the moments of depression where I did the worst thing I could ever do to myself in my entire life: self-harm. I never intended to take my life by it, but I was convicted by the thought of inflicting scars as reminders of the failures I have done –to remind me how much of a failure I am—or was.
Some time ago, I suffered from a really tragic break up and my depression was serious. I won’t get into details because it’s just too much. I didn’t eat and whenever anyone would ask, I’d tell them I was on a special diet. The incident was so traumatic that I couldn’t stay at home nor could sleep properly. To get into the moving on stage, I stayed longer hours at work, met new people, hung out with pretty ladies I came to love as sisters, travelled with them and met new friends. We came across a group of people and developed a special bond that we even considered ourselves family. One of those family members is Ray.
All the happiness was temporary. All of it vanished as soon as I set foot in my room and then the bad habit sets in. The impulse was so strong, I couldn’t stop myself and it’s funny I got accustomed to the stinging pain I inflicted myself with. I got the idea to pray but couldn’t even flip my tongue to speak the right words and I just wept. I was a mess. None of my new friends really have gotten into my core. Most of them just had the hint that I am always the jolly-one-of-the-girls-yet-one-of-the-boys kind of lady and I like it. Ray somehow has his way of getting into things, especially when he’s curious and not only he is good at knowing things he wants to know, he also has his way of getting into people’s bubbles if he’d want to. Experience wise, I have been guarding myself from any vulnerability because it is just awful and people that would know my weakness might lose respect of the strength that I let on, but Ray, he’s different.
Ray had always been a good friend, aside from two others that I considered little brothers (even when they are older. Shush!) And I am their sister, or at least I think I am. Ha-ha. We were so close, people would think there was something more going on. To me, he was a soulmate, like a long lost brother or something.
A lot of people that noticed my scars have told me not to keep cutting because it’s just the same thing as taking my own life. It sucks and I know it, I just could not stop. Ray had the same conversation with me as well and as stubborn as I was, I tried to shake them off my head. There is just something in Ray’s presence that helps me pull through. I had my last cut and the next day we met, he saw the wound and it was the first time I saw him so disappointed in me. He told me “friends are supposed to take care of each other and keep each other from getting into trouble and if I can’t stop you from your delusions, I don’t think anyone can.” It struck me like I would be damned if I’d refuse to do what he said. That very moment he made me feel that he cared and that there are more people that cared for me than I know. He’s a real, true friend.
He’s such a strong anchor that made such difference in my life. I’d call him during random times just to nag about how my day was so frustrating, talk non-sense, and tells him about my little victories. It’s so amazing how he keeps up to both my bad and good sides, encourages me when I’m being hopeless, he’s there on my highs and lows and he’s there to celebrate every little success. One of the success stories I am proud to tell you is the loss of the bad habit. It’s finally gone all with the help of my best friend’s counsel. The process was long and it wasn’t an overnight change that I can assure you, but I made it. He made me realize that harming myself is just as much as taking my life and it’s a terrible, selfish act that would leave my family wounded. This is how Ray became my hero.
To my hero, I know I’ve countlessly said thank you but I still feel like I was not doing enough so I did this with the hope that you will have something before your birthday this 1st of October. I know God has given you to be a blessing to everyone you meet, but I’m pretty sure you’re especially sent for me.
Happy Coffee Bean Day! Luv yah. xoxo