I am nothing (who am I that the Lord knows my name) and yet I am Everything (to the one who loves me so completely that He died for me).
I am nobody (one of billions) and yet I am Somebody (an adopted daughter of the God who created all things).
I am insufficient (brimming with faults and inadequacies) and yet I am Enough (willingness to cooperate with His grace being the only requirement).
So much of what I have tried has looked like failure. Certain friendships, my little blog off in the corner of the internet. Even motherhood can feel like a failure at times, motherhood which for me has had a way of exposing the depths of my temperamental deficiencies. I feel often — not always, because there are those occasional Supermom days — like a failure. Most days I am so quick to become angry, so preoccupied with my own thoughts as to brush aside an eager toddler’s milestone move, so lazy as to ignore distasteful household chores, and yet so busy as to forget to read a story book to Evie.
Motherhood can feel like living in three days between the crucifixion and the resurrection. In other words, I have the hope of resurrection. I have the hope that these things I do daily — cleaning, feeding, loving, hugging, working, listening, holding, tending, training — will end in victory. But for now I live in the moment when they look like failure. It’s precisely in this interim wherein resides Hope.
I hope in the Lord, not in myself. I hope in His mercy and in His grace, and I entrust everything — even what presently looks like failure — to the One who can and does redeem all things and who transforms what looks like failure into an eternal victory.