Back when I was in high school, all I wanted was to fit in. I was surrounded by people who talked about their firsts, their crushes, their boyfriends/girlfriends, and all the things that make you giddy during your younger, adolescent years.
I entered college with frustrations, desires, and aspirations. I wanted to be accepted by many at the expense of not being 100% true to myself. Maybe I was too focused on the wrong things during that time. Maybe that was a year when all I wanted was to feel loved, when all I wanted to do was to explore, to experience my firsts, and to mildly rebel from who I was.
It was when I entered San Beda College where I decided that something was not right and something had to change. I have never enjoyed blending in — it just makes me a part of a circle where I don’t even belong. It was then that the urge to stand out consumed my soul. It was then that I realized that I wanted to be who and how I am without having to compromise, even with the demands and pressure of other people. It was then that I figured out that it is okay to be weird and to be different. After all, I do not need to please anyone but myself.
Eventually, through time, I found out things I never knew about myself. They were all buried in the deepest parts of my being that I never even though existed. Spending more time alone made me see how much I enjoyed my own company more than being with people who barely even understood who I was.
The thing is, there are different ways to discover who we are. Some people would need to distance themselves from others, while some would need be with others to “find” who they are. Some will get lost in the process, while some will have an easy time in their journey to self-discovery. If you are lost, confused, or baffled, I suggest you take a step back. The important thing is you do not give up on yourself. You are your best company. You are who you are and who you want yourself to be.