There have been so many miracles that happened in my life. Big and small, I have a collection of them in my heart. I don’t know what to make out of this piece of story but I hope it would inspire others to keep the faith and continue to love life and have God in the center of it all.
I was orphaned at an early age of 15, the time when I was just starting to understand life better and explore life’s adventures and misadventures. My parents’ untimely demise was hard to accept, to say the least. More so, since theirs was no ordinary death. My parents and brother suffered a tragic death in the hands of our houseboys. You see, I should have gone with them had the trigger been pulled and had minds not changed. Not everyone would be so fortunate as to be given one more chance at life. For whatever reason I am not so clear about up to now, I am still alive.
It was indeed a big-time miracle that I was spared. My parents’ killers gagged, hogtied and harassed me emotionally. They poked a gun at me twice – first one at the back of my head and second one almost on my temple. But mind-boggling as it were, they never pulled the trigger. I certainly had no idea where I got the courage and strength, which I displayed during the massacre, but I am very sure it wasn’t from me. I knew it was God’s own guiding hands and loving protection that put a hedge between the killers and me.
To say that it was so hard to live without the people who mattered most in my young life was an understatement. I was so dependent on my parents. They were my life. I used to imagine that there existed an invisible string connecting me to my parents. We were inseparable. And when they died, it was like having that connecting string suddenly cut off. I never felt so alone, so lost and so lonely in my life. I wished a lot of times I were dead or that someone would kill me, too, just so I could be with them. But every time these thoughts would overtake me, I would hear God whispering gently to me, assuring me that I have to hold on to Him because He has great plans for me. I held on tight to His promise that “He will never leave me and forsake me.” And indeed, God came through for me. He replaced the string, which attached me to my parents with another string, but this time attaching it to Him.
Though I was the only one spared at the time of the murder, although I was the only witness to the crime, I did not allow myself to be traumatized by it. I chose to believe that everything has a reason in life. I chose to believe in Something, Someone much more bigger than my pain – God. After the ordeal of accepting my loved ones’ death, I had this belief that God would spare me from further sufferings. I was wrong. There were a lot of painful events which followed, but these all led me to understand His great love for me and to keep me ever so dependent on Him.
Despite the pain of loss I was facing then, I had committed to look at life, still, with so much hope and with so much anticipation of what God has in store for me.
I committed to change and be dependent on the One who matters most and who knows me best. When I decided to choose God over anything and anybody that was for me the greatest and the most personal and independent choice I have ever made in my life. My God has helped me rebuild the broken bits and pieces of my life. He allowed me to experience the worst so I could relish the best that He has to offer. I still do not totally understand His ways. I just I understand better now. He took away everything I had because He knows fully well that those same things would hinder me from loving Him the most. I should have been shot in the head a long time ago but I was spared because I have yet then to experience the miracle and truth about His love. And here I am hoping and praying for everyone who reads this to experience this same love — His love.
It has been 30 years since I lost my parents yet it seems like yesterday. At 45 years old, I could say that I’m still very much a child at heart. I am now a contented wife to a loving husband and a happy working-mom to our 3 precious angels. I have a lot of things to look forward to and one of them is seeing my children spreading their wings, enjoying their independence and life to the fullest with God in it. With them beside me, holding my hand, I continue to look forward to God’s many miracles and I know I would forever be in awe of His wonders in my life.