Discovery

What If the Healing Doesn’t Come?

I’m ready to share some of my near-death experiences or in general terms, write about the topics of pain, suffering, and death. Honestly, two sentences into writing this paragraph, I am already shaking and in tears. I would be lying if I told you that it doesn’t hurt anymore, that I don’t cry or I don’t have remaining what if’s. Frankly speaking, I still have lots of questions and why’s, but this post is to share with you that even if the healing doesn’t come, I will not stop praising God.

Please do me a favor by listening to the song “Even If” by Kutless or read the lyrics, which is the inspiration for this story.

Even If (The Healing Doesn’t Come)
Kutless

Sometimes all we have to hold on to
Is what we know is true of who You are
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
That could never change who You are
And we trust in who You are
Even if the healing doesn’t come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn’t come
Lord we know Your ways are not our ways
So we set our faith in who You are
Even though You reign high above us
You tenderly love us
We know Your heart
And we rest in who You are
You’re still the Great and Mighty One
We trust You always
You’re working all things for our good
We’ll sing your praise
You are God and we will bless You
As the Good and Faithful One
You are God and we will bless You
Even if the healing doesn’t come
Even if the healing doesn’t come

When I was in the ICU, I had these thoughts: “Lord, pagalingin mo lang Papa ko, I will declare Your name and share Your word all the time. I will write a book on how each day you are showing a miracle to us”. But it hit me, “What if the healing doesn’t come?” I didn’t want to entertain the thought back then because the emotion that is stirring is anger, “Bakit?

Fast forward to the end of 16 days of battling in the ICU, the healing didn’t come. My father passed away. It was the most painful moment of my life ever. The first question that popped into my mind?

“Lord, papatayin niyo din naman pala Papa ko, sana pinagcelebrate niyo man lang kami ng Pasko at ng new year.”

It hurts. A lot. But as I always say, “BUT GOD.” God was ever present from day zero up until now that we’re still hurting.

 

God is our comforter

So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
That could never change who You are
And we trust in who You are

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.
-2 Corinthians 1:3-5 English Standard Version (ESV)

When we were battling for my dad’s life in the ICU, more than trusting the doctors and the nurses, we placed our utmost trust in God. Every day, we were reading God’s word. He was present in every person who visited Papa and us, prayed for and with us, helped us financially, tapped us on our shoulders and said, “Kaya natin ‘to”, messaged us, and called us. We were encouraged by our relatives, friends, officemates, churchmates. Every message received stirred our hearts and our faith. God has blessed our family SO MUCH during those trying times. God comforted us in different ways. I will wake up and listen to praise and worship songs and I’m okay. I will receive a message checking on me, and I feel better. I am moved by how these trials united us all in prayer and our belief that God will heal Papa. The heartache was shared among us, and hence, it was bearable.

 

God is faithful.

You are God and we will bless You
As the Good and Faithful One
You are God and we will bless You

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lordyour God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.
-Deuteronomy 31:6 (ESV)
 

Papa was battling for his life in the ICU, and we all know that it didn’t come without a price. We’re not rich with money and before this incident, we didn’t have a million, not even half, in cash! Looking back, God has been so faithful. Sometimes, even after Papa’s death, I still cry, in awe how God sent us miracles in many forms – including financial help. During Day 10 in the ICU, we sort of already had discussions regarding pawning our land in the province in exchange of cash, for the hospital bills. But God is always on time. We may have drained our savings but God sent so many helping hands to help us get through financially. We never had to sell or pawn anything. God is Jehovah Jireh, the Great Provider. Even our “roommates” in the hospital helped us. God is indeed faithful – from little to big ways.

God is good all the time.

You’re still the Great and Mighty One
We trust You always
You’re working all things for our good
We’ll sing your praise

The Lord is good to all,
and his mercy is over all that he has made.
-Psalm 145:9 (ESV)

 We’ve always heard the phrase, “GOD is good!” and we will respond with, “All the time!” But have we really ever grasped these phrases? It’s never God is good sometimes. It’s never “God is good to the rich people.” It’s never “God is good during Christmas season.” It’s “God is good ALL the time.” So even when my boyfriend broke up with me, God is good. Even when I didn’t get the promotion I felt like I’ve been working on, God is good. Even if people were backstabbing me for different reasons, God is good. Even if we battled for my dad’s life for 16 days in the ICU and paid for more than a million pesos only to lose our papa, GOD IS GOOD. Everything happens for a reason, and we will always sing him praises.  I have always believed in God’s sovereignty, but this point of my life made me question this belief. But I choose to praise him, give him thanks, and trust His will. When all my questions are blurted out, either in prayer or in mere frustration, what is left is my faith that God had plans, and that is always for the good. And the song helped me to express this…

Even if the healing doesn’t come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn’t come
Lord we know Your ways are not our ways
So we set our faith in who You are
Even though You reign high above us
You tenderly love us
We know Your heart
And we rest in who You are

I choose to believe that God is good not because of my circumstances, but in spite of them. Even if the healing doesn’t come, even if life falls apart, even if dreams are still undone, even if it means that I don’t get to spend Christmas and New Year with Papa alive, I will choose to bless the Lord and not renounce my faith.

If you’re going through the same pain, or even greater than what we’ve experienced, I pray that you find peace and comfort in God. Know that God loves you and is always after your good. Just believe and trust God.

During my Papa’s eulogy, I testified in front of the people. I thanked them but also told them that even if the healing didn’t come, I will testify of the Lord’s goodness, ALWAYS. So here I am.

If you are moved by this story in any way, please join me in prayer:

Dear Lord, we acknowledge that you are God. Thank you for becoming human and suffering on the cross for us to be delivered from our sins. Thank you for dying on the cross for us. I come to you, a sinner. Forgive me for my sinful nature. Allow me to accept you as my Lord and savior. Live inside me. Amen.

Inspired? Give Your Thoughts!

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