I always feel weirded out when I see or hear the words “patiently waiting”.
All judgements aside, and of course given the context, I feel like so, so many women—and even men—have identified themselves with the whole concept of waiting. Waiting for “The One”, for “Mr. / Ms. Right”, or my favorite, waiting for “GB” (God’s Best). Please don’t get me wrong: I am a very strong and vocal advocate of patience. I believe there is such a thing as a right time. God’s best is real (and not a magical unicorn that happens once every double rainbow). These are things I believe in.
But waiting? I… don’t think I believe in that. Thinking about it, I guess it’s not really “waiting” that I’m up against, but the way it is normally presented in the dating context, because:
- When all you’re doing is waiting, you place too much value on the future, and not enough on the now. What are you waiting for, exactly? See, I think that, when singles (women, I’m looking at us) feel so heavily burdened by the situation of “waiting”, we’ve fallen into the trap of believing that the future holds our happiness. That a relationship holds our little end goal. I don’t believe that. Your happiness belongs to the time that you choose to be happy. And it can be both now, and in the future. If waiting is a thing to be endured, we’re missing the point. And to point out also:
- Too much focus on waiting keeps us from becoming every wonderful thing we could be right now. I ain’t gonna lie: we (I) have a tendency to be dramatic, romantic, emotional fools who live for love; the notion of someone to sweep us off our feet is very appealing. Almost idolizing (gasp!), really. And that’s the reason we hype up our “waiting” game: because we see romance as a culmination of our happiness. But, my female friend, we are more than merely future life partners of hopefully great men. We are great women, as it is. And the world is a sick place filled with problems that can be solved. We should try to live lives that pursue a vision and a calling that helps solves these problems. Instead of, you know, just waiting to be married. Oh, and another thing:
- What if there’s nothing to wait for, in terms of having a life partner? What if life has different plans for you? Will you let yourself be stuck in the perpetual twilight zone of waiting, forever hoping that someday, somehow, you’ll get to that mystical pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and you’ll finally experience marital bliss? This is where the waiting becomes nonsense. This is where the waiting becomes deadly, even: when it becomes such a core part of our day-to-day lives that it takes on the form of a deceptive lie that keeps us from embracing life as we know it right now.
Again, don’t get me wrong. I’m not disillusioned; I would love to be in a relationship. But I’m not waiting for it, per se. Because it will happen when it’s meant to happen, if it’s meant to happen.
In the meantime, isn’t there so much more to life than a significant other in the future and so much “waiting” in the now? The world needs heroes, and life-givers, and creators and innovators… men and women who are willing to invest in something bigger than themselves.
Now go out there and stop waiting for romance. The world is waiting for you.