If I will be an advocate of anything, it will be boosting a person’s self-esteem, especially among women. Self-esteem, as defined in books, is the “confidence in one’s own worth or abilities”. Let’s be honest, being confident in yourself isn’t as easy as it may seem. A lot of women have low self-esteem; not realizing their self-worth. Their happiness depends on others’ criticism or compliments. Some women settle in a miserable home, thinking that they don’t deserve anything better than their current situation.
I personally have a friend who is contented being a second option to the guy she’s currently seeing. For a girl who’s beautiful inside and out, and has achieved more for herself and for her family, she’s convinced that she’ll never be loved and that she’ll stay single forever. Her lack of self-appreciation has washed away all her remarkable potential of attracting more guys. And please, I want to emphasize this: attracting a guy won’t define you nor will it be your sole source of happiness.
While I believe that another friend of mine looks perfectly fine, she thinks that she’s fat and that no one will be attracted to her because of how she looks. Her idea of beauty is based on men’s perception of beauty. This thinking has made her very conscious with what she eats, counting every calorie she takes in! Instead of enjoying her food and her precious time eating, she spends all her energy focusing on every inch of fat that she’s about to consume.
A mother I used to know also had a lack of self-worth. She’s a mother of 2 and a housewife. In one of our conversations, she mentioned her dream of putting up her own restaurant because she loves cooking and it was something she was really good at. I told her that it was an achievable dream, and I believed that she would be successful if she decided to put up her own restaurant. She then gave me excuses and reasons why she couldn’t go after what she wanted such as, “Maybe I can’t do it”, “I don’t have time”, “No one’s going to take care of my kids”, and “I don’t have enough money”.
Aren’t these scenarios disappointing to hear about? We need to stop this madness of self-deprecation and self-doubt. Here are some of the many negative thoughts that women need to let go of:
I am NOT beautiful. This statement is followed by, “I don’t have long shiny black hair”, “I’m fat”, or “I’m not tall.” If you could just hear what you’re truly saying, you will be more disappointed. You have your own sense of the word ‘beautiful’, and if you keep on comparing yourself to other women, you will never feel confident and be happy.
I’m JUST meant for smaller roles. Some women are contented with being just a subordinate in the workplace, a kind of thinking that is so backward. Women who are empowered are not afraid to take on leadership roles, and know that they are capable of greatness. Just like what Amy Henry said in her book, “Women have charm and good instincts. Don’t hide these, use these to your advantage.”
I’m just a PLAIN housewife— There is no other job in the world as valuable and as challenging as being a mom and a housewife. Never underestimate your position in your house because you’re just a “plain” housewife. Sometimes, when my husband tries to complain about his work, I jokingly say, “Try to put yourself in my shoes, and tell me if your work is hard enough compared to mine.” Juggling household chores, bathing my 2-year old then breastfeeding my 3-month old baby and attending to my husband’s needs, is not an easy task. I sometimes do these all at the same time! Housewives are the nurturers and multi-taskers of our homes. We are not just “plain housewives” but supermoms!
I may not be an expert on this. I, too, have insecurities but I try to keep it at bay. So I want to share some tips and tricks that I think would put away all that negativity and kick start an awesome life full of self-respect and high self-esteem:
Before going further, you have to recognize first the root of all your negative thinking. Know what triggers adverse emotions that eventually lead to self-deprecation. Be honest with yourself. You can’t fight an enemy if you don’t know who’s the enemy in the first place.
Be kind to yourself
After acknowledging the cause of the lack of self-esteem, don’t blame yourself feeling such negativities. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. Instead of feeling guilty of how your situation is affecting you, try reversing the way you think. Do something and be proactive. The situation will be better when you’re in control. Act on the triggering factor but don’t dwell on it. Be conscious of the negative feelings and emotions once they creep in again.
Refrain from comparing yourself to others
This is one of the causes of why we feel disappointed in ourselves. Use comparison in a good way. Be inspired by that person. If she’s beautiful, use her beauty as an inspiration that will lift your spirit to become more beautiful (you already are though, you just need to believe in this.)
Find some me-time
This is very effective especially for moms and busy women. A good 30-minute shower, a trip to the salon or read a good book are some of the precious activities that you can do during your me-time. Do the things that make you happy. Use this time to recharge and redirect your focus on more important matters than dwelling about your self-doubts.
Mind over matter
We are our harshest critic. If you think you are not beautiful, it will show. So think of the opposite and exude confidence! You are a wonderful creation of God. You are unique. You are special. You are beautiful!